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A tad bit of everything….

So, it has a been a bit. I know, I am being lazy, but hey, what else is new?
I have decided that I will post at least every two weeks to my blog, be it video or written. First off, a bit of housekeeping….

My computer is in the process as we speak of splitting the video I made. Youtube says they take up to 20 minute videos, and that one was only 18 minutes, who knows!

A big thank you goes out to all the people that made the benefit happen for me. The auction was a big success! The karaoke afterwards was the bomb-diggidy! It was great to see everyone! The poker run was rained out, but will be rescheduled for this summer. I am seriously considering splitting the money that comes in from the poker run between myself and the Wounded Warrior project. Randy Nalley over at Rooster Run does hunts for Wounded Warriors, perhaps I can get with him and see what donations might do to help him in his efforts for our soldiers.

If not for the soldiers, I would not have the great prosthetics that I have. Their sacrifice for our country has really raised the bar in the prosthetic world. I hate that they have been hurt, but without them, I might be walking on a wooden leg. Of course, our soldiers suffer from many things, not just amputations. You know or meet one of our armed services members, you better tell them thank you for their service.

If you don’t, I will take a leg off and beat you with it!

I went this past monday to KY Prosthetics to get a hand cast done for my x-fingers. I am stoked! In a little over a month I will have most of the use of my left hand back. I am not certain, but I think I might be the first person in KY to use this particular prosthetic. When I get them I will be doing plenty of video documentation for both myself and my prosthetics company I work with. I cant wait!

The cast itself was neat. They used a silicon material that was in the freezer for a couple of weeks! It was cold! It looked like hot wax going on my hand. It covered my hand top to bottom and up past my wrist, and when it set we pulled it off, it got stuck on my pinkie finger. I cried like a little girl,(or so my prosthetist Matt says. Thanks dude, now I have to turn in my man card) but we got it off.

The mould copied my hand right down to my palm prints. It also took the hair off the top of my hand. O_o

I am also getting a new set of sockets done for my legs. The ones I have now are getting way big. I have to use ten or eleven socks to get a decent fit. Imagine having to wear eleven pairs of socks to get your shoes to fit. Sounds uncomfortable, doesn’t it?

I am still fighting sore spots on my resi-limbs, so I have not been able to do much walking. This is driving me nuts! Spending all your time in a chair really sucks. Something a bit funny I have noticed, since spending so much time in a cushioned wheelchair, is that when I sit in a regular chair it hurts! We have hardwood chairs in the kitchen at the table, and my poor posterior can hardly handle it. LOL

Well, I guess this is it for the moment. I am going to get back to finishing up the video and see if I can get it up today.

I hope all the mothers out there have a Happy Mothers Day!

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I am Humbled

Yes, you heard me… Humbled. Right it down, mark it on a calendar. Anyone who knows me well will tell you, I have an ego as big as a Mac truck, I don’t think I am ever wrong, and HUMBLE is not a word oft used to describe me.

But, I am.

This Saturday there is a benefit being held for me. There is a poker run, BBQ plate sales, auction and a Karaoke dance afterwards. I couldn’t begin to tell you how many donations have already been made for this event, and how many people have already volunteered their time.

Barnes and Nobles has donated things, local coal mines have donated, private individuals have donated… Cooking, preparing, auction items, services, printing needed forms, running, gophering, phone calls, donating space, donating time, volunteering as poker run dealers…. The list goes on and on.

Humbled, I tell ya. I can’t even begin to express my gratitude. I would say I am speechless, but c’mon, this is me. Thank you, everyone, for all your help.

I am doing my best to put it to good use. I am not exaggerating when I say that the total cost of my illness is close to half a million dollars. ICU, hospital stays, prosthetic legs (and hopefully fingers), rehab, operations, operations and more operations. Not to mention travel expenses.

My insurance covered a lot, but my cut is still quite substantial. I am not working right now, and social security disability has yet to start. I am like everyone else, I have bills to pay besides all that has occurred because of my illness.

You guys have helped me keep from losing everything. And again, I thank you…

Last week or two has been somewhat trying for me. I make strides in my progress, then I have to take a few days off. That is frustrating. Over the weekend I went to a turkey shoot at Rooster Run Lodge, then spent the rest of the afternoon at the local gun club with my brother and son.

I got to break out my sidearms and rifles and put quite a few rounds downrange. I have a 10-22 rifle with a “Dragunov” stock on it. Basically, a pistol grip stock with an open butt end. I was very pleased to find that I can still use what is left of my dominate hand to hold, aim and fire my rifle. My left middle finger has just enough there to do the job!

Now, with my pistol, I had to shoot right handed, which is a bummer. My groupings with my 9mm short, quite frankly, sucked. I banged my thumb remnant a few times with the slide action before I got a good feel for my modified hand position. OUCH!

I also did a lot of walking this past weekend. Inside the house I can, for the most part, walk unaided for short distances. My son and I walked down the hill to my house to check on my motorcycle. I had to use hand crutches outside, of course, and walking on inclines is tough when your ankles don’t bend!

We made it down there, though. My bike seems to be all in one piece, and it was a site for sore eyes! She is a pretty thing, and it breaks my heart that I will no longer be able to ride my ‘Zuki. The foot pegs are just too far back, and it is just too top heavy for me. Oh, well, cruiser bike with forward controls, here I come….

Anyway, all that walking got to me. Just like buying a new pair of shoes, there is a certain amount of break in time needed for walking with prosthetics. My residual limbs need time to build up tolerance, and overdoing it causes rub spots that can be painful.

Well, I overdid it. For the past few days now I have had to stay off of my legs to let them heal up. I want to be able to walk some on Saturday at the benefit, so I have to take a break to heal. But I WILL be there Saturday, and I WILL walk. I promise you that.

So, hope to see you all out there.. It will be so nice to get to hang out with my friends!

Oh, and don’t worry, I wont stay humble for long… This is me, after all! 😉

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Socket List

On my very last day at Louisville, way back when I had just had surgery and I thought my life was over, I was told something about percentages.

I was told that after I was back up on my feet my life would by no means be over. In fact, 98% of the things I had done before I would still be able to do.

Wow, 98% sounds like a pretty good number, doe it not? Well, at least until you think about that last little 2%. See, what they just don’t understand is, 2% is a big number for me. There are a lot of things I have done in my life, lots of adventures, lots of exciting things.

Were those great times and exciting adventures going to be in that 2%?

I don’t know, not yet.

I am sure by now everyone knows what a bucket list is. I heard that movie was great, but I haven’t gotten around to watching it yet. Bucket list. Almost a scary thing. The list of things you want to do before you kick the bucket.

I don’t have much of a bucket list. Like I said.. Lots of good times, lots of adventures… So not much in my bucket.

On my prosthesis there is a very important component called a socket. A socket is custom molded to my residual limbs, and is the thing that lets me stand on my new legs….

So I have a “Socket List.”

I have a list of things I want to do AGAIN in my life, once I am back on my feet. This is where that 2% really comes into play… Are the things I am about to list for you in that 2%?

I hope not….

My Socket List:

1. Fire/EMS

A long time ago I got a wild hair and started volunteering for my local fire department. Providence Fire/EMS is a paid department, but accepts the help of volunteers. I can remember when I first started, they would put me in full turnout gear and make me run around the the the building the station is housed in.

I don’t know what was tougher, the running, or the sniggers from the guys as they watched me sweat my ass off! I did a lot of training in the beginning, and it always seemed to involve sweating on my part 🙂

Being on a fire department can be a lot of work. Fighting fires is not glamourous stuff. It is labour intensive, and is dangerous. But I stuck with it. When the siren went off, or the phone rang, I was there. Believe me, I wasn’t the best fire fighter in the world, but I tried. I am sure I frustrated some of the guys when I screwed up, but they put up with me because I was dependable, I always showed up to help.

Eventually, the department sent me to First Responder school, so I could work on the ambulance as a volunteer. I don’t think this was done often, but again, I always showed up.

On night, there was a fully involved structure fire on Cedar st here in Providence. I ended up on the roof with a pike-pole tearing off roofing. On the ground there was a paid man from the department hollering up, asking if I needed anything.

I thought it a bit humorous that the volunteer was on the roof, while the paid man was on the ground asking if he needed anything. Talk about role reversal! After the fire got under control and I was back on the ground the Asst Chief pulled me aside. Walking down the street a bit away from the fire ground the Asst Chief told me the decision had been made to bring me on as a paid man part time.

I was blown away.

I could go on and on about the time in years I spent serving the citizens of this community on that fire department, but I think you get the picture. I made a lot of friends on the department, I am quite certain I irritated the hell out of some of the guys because I always come across as a “know it all,” and I know I goofed up sometimes. For the irritations, I apologize. I hope all the men down there know I always tried to do my best, and I always tried to help.

My career as a weekend and part time paid man ended when the new mayor was elected. My mother ran against him on the ballot, and he won. The last shift I went in to work on was on Christmas Eve. I was going to work an overnight so one of the full time guys could go home to be with his family.

Another person was found to work that shift, and I was never told. I showed up to work, but was sent home. Could be that it is coincidence that I was pulled off that shift after the new mayor was elected. I was never called in for another shift, and I just faded away from the department. No matter the ending, I was proud to work at that department, and serve my community. I was there for the tornado, and like most every other man there I worked a nearly forty hour straight nightmare. I would do it all again, because it was worth it.

So, that is one of the things on my socket list. Get back on a fire department and at the least volunteer. I don’t care if all I do is hump hose and clean up, I want to serve again! I don’t know if P-Town FD would have me, but hopefully some department will.

2. Search and Rescue

Two of the friends I made at PFD was Lee Jenkins and Monty Hardman. I am still good friends with lee to this day, he comes and visits me on his Harley fairly often. Monty pulled up stakes and moved away on us.

Those two got me into search and rescue work. It didn’t take much arm twisting to get me to join the Webster County Rescue Squad. I had more fun with those guys than you could ever imagine. We did high angle rope rescue, wilderness SAR and water rescue.

On my time on the squad we did several searches on land and on the water. Lee and Monty pushed me forward to get many rescue certifications. Because of those guys I am state trained and hold certificates in High Angle and BSAR rescue. I was eventually made an Asst Chief of the squad over high angle rescue.

So, on my socket list you can add being part of a SAR team again.

3. Rappelling

One of the things I did a lot of on WCRS was rappel. Every chance I got I was on the side of a tower on a rope. I loved it! I bought all my own gear so the county wouldn’t have to, and I still have it.

Once, Lee and I got the opportunity to train the KY Dept of Corrections CERT team. This is basically the state prison system’s SWAT team. We had a great time over three days hanging off the side of a military base’s training tower, watching as burly prison guards squealed like little girls as they broke over that tower on a rope!

This is something I truly loved to do. So we can add this to my socket list as well. I want to rappel again!

4. Motorcycle Riding

Sitting in a living room of an empty house is my Zuki. If you know me at all, you know I love that bike! I have spent many a weekend burning up the backroads and highways of KY and all it’s surrounding states with my friends. Jenny and Bob, Jim Durnil, Eric Kim-Bro and all the rest I have ridden with.

Kim-bro and I have traveled all over on our bikes. Hell, he sold me my Zuki to begin with and got me back into riding!

I know I can’t ride my Zuki. My knees just don’t bend enough to be comfortable on the foot pegs. Plus, it’s a rocket, I lost my legs already, I don’t want to push my luck!

I think I could ride a cruiser, though. I already have one picked out. So add that to my socket list. I want to freaking ride again!

5. Driving

Many wheel chair bound people still drive. With the use of an automatic transmission and hand controls it is very doable. But, I have a problem..

My little truck that I love dearly is 4×4 mountain goat… With a stick shift!

I have never gotten the thing hung up, it is pretty as a peach, and it is damn near paid for! It is nothing to find a spot and dive off the road and push that 4 high button.. Yea, push button 4×4!

So this one is very simple. I want to drive again… I want to drive MY TRUCK again…

All of these are just a drop in the bucket…ummm… socket…. of the things I want to do again. I cant list everything, but these are some of the things that are more important to me..

Are they in the 98%… or the 2%?

I don’t know, but I am sure as hell going to find out. you just watch me!

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Been a while…

Well, it has been a bit since my last blog. I guess you could say I have been laying low.. Honestly, I have been recovering from my time in rehab. They worked me very hard. They crammed 21 days worth of training into 10 days.

Yea, I needed a break. Also, honestly, I have been a bit down. Not in a bad way, mind you, just…. frustrated.

My prosthetist has told me time and again not to expect to be running marathons, but I am stubborn and hard headed. I want to be so much farther along than I am! I know, don’t say it. I do realize I need to be realistic. It wont come all at once. I am making good progress, and fast progress.

I have had some minor setbacks, I had to heal from the over working of rehab, so had to take nearly a week off from wearing my legs per my leg guru’s orders. My right leg is much shorter than the left, and cant take as much of a beating as the left, and it got really sore. Also, my right hand, arm and shoulder tend to compensate for the weaker right leg, and all of the above mentioned body parts were sore and in need of a rest.

This past Saturday was the go ahead day I was given for getting back up on my legs. My son, brother and myself went to Evansville to do some shoe shopping for my son. I was on my feet all morning before we left, walked into the shoe store, sat down and then walked out again when he found his new shoes.

I then walked into Olive Garden, had a meal and walked back out again to the car. In case your curious, I had the Portobello Mushroom Ravioli, ummm… ummm… good!

Just doing this stuff wore me out so bad I had to use my wheel chair to get back in the house! So, Sunday I took a day off from walking and jumped back in on Monday. Other than my morning bathroom run and getting in/out of the shower, I spent ALL DAY on my legs! Back and forth through the house, walking outside, going to Madisonville to pick up the kiddo from school and then going back o drop him off at his Mom’s house later.

No, I didn’t drive! O_o

Afterwards I went to Salonworks with my mother to get a hair cut. I walked in there, then back out again. When we got home it took all I had to get up the steps and into the house, but I did it!

Essentially an entire day on my legs! Today, of course, I am going to be taking it easy. Besides, I just bought the latest episode of Justified and season 2 of Carnivale from itunes. I am gonna spend a lazy day watching stuff on the ol’ iPad. And also, maybe write a blog or two!

That’s right, two. this is number one, just a catch up with how I am doing, and number two will be a hopefully long ramble about this concept in my head I have named the “Socket List.”

Come join me a bit later to read more!

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A day in the life……..

So, I haven’t put up a blog post in a while, and today is a boring day, so I figure writing is a good thing to kill some time. Trust me, I have a lot of time on my hands.

First, let me get some news updates out of the way!

My legs have been approved by insurance. The problem was apparently, any expensive leg is assumed to be an electronic leg with a built in knee. I, of course still have my knees, and a bit of leg left below each.

The reason I need a rather complex and extensive setup is because of the length of my residual limbs. After I got out of the coma my Behcet’s disease flared horribly on my legs. It left large ulcerated areas on my calves. Although my legs were alive all the way down to my ankles, the ulcers required shorter RLs. They didn’t have enough good skin left to sew up, so they had to go higher with the amputations.

Bummer, right?

So, any who, my legs are expensive. My prosthetics people re submitted to my insurance, noted every single nut and bolt, grommets and pins, socket and feet. I got a letter from insurance stating that they indeed think I need this kind of prosthetic. I kid you not, the paragraph describing the legs was five lines long!

So, anyway, my legs won’t be repo’ed. Yea me….. ( honestly, I think my prosthetics people would fight forever for me on this, they are really great people!)

Now, on to a day in the life……

My morning usually begins with a cup of coffee, mostly brought in by my mother, occasionally brought in by my father. Depending on how I slept the night before, I might be up with the sun, or up a little later. I don’t have a clock in my room, there are not enough plug ins for one. Mom got me a nice clock the other day that runs on batteries, but the stupid thing doesn’t keep time!

Anyway, as I have to scrounge for my phone to see the time, I often just instead wait until I hear movement in the house. Then the morning ritual of hollering for mom and asking for coffee. I once hollered for my folks only to realize it was not yet daylight! Glad they didn’t wake up!

So, I get coffee, and then usually toast with pb&j on it. Why not get up and get it yourself, you might ask? Well, mornings are the best time for me to enjoy no sensation in my legs. The moment I climb out of bed and start moving my legs get all buzzy and tingly. Imagine being able to feel the blood flow in your veins, but the blood is carrying and pulling along tiny marbles, which are rolling and bouncing around!

Very frustrating. After coffee and toast, I usually hang out in my bed, checking emails, cruising facebook, or reading for a bit. I usually don’t put my legs on first thing, and my first outing out of bed is in my chair. When you have to go to the bathroom, the chair is much faster than a walker!

After that first outing I might come back and put on my legs, and I might also crawl back into bed. What I have done today, for instance. When the folks are home, I have more of a reason to be out in the house. Today my folks are working, and the house is empty, so the most comfortable place to be is sitting up in bed.

When I get hungry, I fix my own lunch. Usually microwaveable food, as I can’t reach the stove to cook. I have fixed only one meal since I got sick, and that was a pot of chili. My son had to bring everything to the table and put the pot on a chair so I could reach it! My mother had to cook the beef and other things, so I didn’t make everything on my own.

After lunch I might go to the living room and watch TV for a while. By this time I usually have my legs on. I have probably already had a short walk with the walker. I normally can’t sit for more than an hour or two without my knees starting to ache. I am still getting used to having the prosthetics on.

When putting on my legs, there are a lot of things involved. I have urethane liners that are nearly half an inch thick in some places. They look like this:

I have to turn them inside out, then roll them up my leg. Not a problem for some, but with not much in the finger department on my left hand, this is a chore! After I get the liners on, I have to add some spacer socks over the liners, then put on my legs. The whole process now only takes me about ten minutes, and would take less if I asked for help, which I don’t. I like to be self sufficient in some things. 🙂

After I watch some TV, I might go back to my room and hang out. When I get bored I write, such as today. I have been outlining a short story I am going to work on with a friend of mine, and that project will keep me occupied for a bit. (hint, hint, Jenny Jenny!)

I do most of my writing with my iPad. Most all of my blogs are written with a wordpress app, and I have a really good word processor app that I use for other things. The keyboard on my net book computer is uncomfortable to work with now, and I can’t seem to tap the keys properly with my left pinkie. The virtual keyboard on the iPad does very well for me, though.

I spend a lot of time surfing the web on my iPad. This thing is so convenient for lots of stuff, I rarely use my computer anymore. I do a lot of wikipedia reading, as I have always had a love for expanding knowledge. Especially my own! I have no great love for school, bit I love to read!

I am currently researching motorcycles. I love to ride, but am afraid I won’t be able to ride the one I have now. I looked into the spyder reverse trike, but I have found something better. I have found a bobber style bike that is the size of a HD Sportster. It has a smaller displacement motor, so it has a very low center of gravity and is very light. It has a dry weight of less than three hundred pounds, so I think I will be able to handle it without wrecking or laying it over!

Speaking of wrecking, that put me on a search for something else. See, I had a very scary thought. What if I get into a car wreck? In my time in fire/rescue service, I have seen plenty of accidents involving dash board movement. You would be surprised how many times someone has been able to get their legs out from under a dash by wiggling their feet around and squirming out.

I won’t be able to wiggle my feet if I get into a wreck! What if I get into an accident and my prosthetic legs get trapped, in turn trapping me? I went looking for a solution. There are plenty of personal rescue tools out there. I wanted something that would be more tailored to my needs. This is what I found:

If I have on pants, I won’t be able to take off my prosthetics! I have to roll down the rubber and spandex to release the vacuum pressure, and that is impossible with long pants on. This tool would go straight through my pants with a the zipper hook, and also through the rubber vacuum liner. It could also cut through a seat belt.

I could free myself if need be with this if I needed to. Also, it is just a really cool knife. I have always been a pocket knife carrier, they are great tools to have. I now don’t have as much pocket real estate as I once had. I won’t have much use for my left hand pockets, as I can’t grip much with my left hand.

The big finger hole in the middle of this tool is a blessing as well. It assures me a firm grip with my non dominate hand. It comes with a locking belt sheath that rides parallel with the belt. No pocket required. Also, did I mention it was cool? 😉

There is not a fire/rescue operator out there that doesn’t have a million tools, flashlights and knives. We see cool stuff like that and convince ourselves we need that! Whatever “that” may be at the time. 🙄 FedEx says it is out on a truck for delivery today! :mrgreen:

Wow, that was the mother load of all getting of track, wasn’t it? Back to my average day…

By the time my folks get home, I am ready for dinner. I usually do a little more walking after dinner and then hang out with the parental units. We have a center island with bar stool high chairs, and I can sit on those now with my legs on.

Afterwards it might be TV watching or off to my room, as I have an xbox 360 and television there, as well. Sometimes I play games, but I mostly use it to watch movies or listen to music. The last.fm blues and jazz channel is one of my faves. My xbox ID is Smoakeater, add me if you want. I play a mean game of modern warfare, even with only one good hand!

When I finally bed down for the night the prosthetics come off. They are uncomfortable to lay out in. I generally read until I fall asleep, that is if my legs let me. I have had plenty of nights where they kept me up all night long. It is like trying to go to sleep with someone constantly tapping you on the shoulder. Doesn’t hurt, just irritates the hell out of ya!

My legs had settled down for a long time, but lately they are bothering me. My prosthetic guru tells me my nerves are regenerating, and looking for places to connect, and the feeling will fade over time. I hope so!

So, if I get to sleep, I start the process all over again in the morning…..

And that is a day in the life…….

My life 😉